How to incorporate bondage into the bedroom

How to start introducing kink and bondage into the bedroom, according to a Sexologist

by Alice Child, Sexologist

Bringing bondage into the bedroom can add an exciting new layer of intimacy, arousal, power play, and connection. It’s a playful way to explore trust, power dynamics, and heightened sensations. Here’s how you can safely and enjoyably start incorporating bondage into your intimate life for those curious.

First things first!

📖 Educate yourself:

Book in a session with a kink educator or sexologist like myself, get my online course, or surround yourself with sex positive resources, books, podcasts and community to get amazing ideas!

✅ Consent is Key:

Always communicate with your partner before trying something new. Ensure you both have enthusiastic consent and discuss boundaries.

📢 Use Safe Words and Check-Ins: 

Implement a traffic light system (Green = fun, Orange = unsure, Red = stop) and keep checking in with each other. Consent can be part of the fun!

🤏 Start small: 

Playing with power doesn’t need to be elaborate whips and chains! Begin with simple activities below. 

🤗 Aftercare:

After kinky sex, it’s not uncommon to experience an emotional 'drop' or release. Address both physical and emotional needs after sex with cuddles, a chat, or other comfort measures.

🎙️Debrief:

After sex, get in the habit of chatting about what you enjoyed, what you’d like to try next, and anything that would have made it even better! This helps you understand each other’s desires better and enhance your journey together.

🌀Accept the clunky:

Trying something new may feel awkward or nerve-wracking at first, which is completely normal. Allow yourselves time fall into the roles and enjoy how it develops as you become more comfortable!

What are some ideas for introducing bondage? 🌶️

Use Your Voice - Try taking the lead during sex by giving assertive commands and making eye contact.

Say things like “lie still,” “turn over,” “put your hand above your head” or “look at me.” Notice how it feels to both give / receive these orders.

Gentle Bondage - Try light restraints like asking your partner to hold their hands above their head or holding them in place yourself. Reflect on how it felt. The SheSpot play range has some excellent options! 

Try a blindfold - Enhance other senses by removing sight. This can increase anticipation and enhance the experience of control / surrender. Check out 'Blind sensation play' in Pillow Play to explore using a blindfold and sensation play!

Explore Sensory Deprivation - Take things further by introducing other sensory deprivation tools, like over-ear headphones to block sound, a hood, or a gag such as a ball-gag. These tools intensify physical sensations and enhance the feeling of surrender, but always ensure clear communication and consent.

Hand Restraints - Using hand restraints, like silk ties, leather cuffs, or handcuffs, is another great next step. Restraints can be placed in front, above the head, or secured to furniture like a headboard. Be mindful of safety: avoid tying too tightly to ensure blood flow, and always have safety scissors on hand.

Other Bondage Tools - Expand your play with items like a spreader bar or ankle restraints.These tools open the door to creative positions and deeper exploration of submission and dominance.

Introduce Impact Play - Floggers, paddles, and spanking are natural complements to bondage play. Always use safe words like red (stop), orange (slow or check in), and green (go) to maintain clear communication and ensure everyone feels safe and respected. Explore SheSpot introductory range of luxury play options here. 

How do I bring up bondage with my partner? 

Discussing new sexual fantasies, like kinkier sex and bondage, can feel nerve-wracking, but it's completely normal. Here are some tips:

✔️ Consent! - Consent is key! Ensure your partner is fully comfortable and enthusiastic about exploring new fantasies. Never pressure them—go slowly, allow time for reflection, and encourage open communication.

💬 Post-Sex Chat: After sex, discuss what you both enjoyed and what you might want to try next. For example, "I loved when you pushed me onto the bed—it made me feel so submissive. Would you like to explore that more?"

👍 Focus on the good stuff and help them understand - Help your partner understand what excites you by explaining your fantasies clearly.

Instead of vague requests like "I want you to dominate me," provide specific examples of what would be fun, such as "I’d love it if you tied my hands above my head during sex."

😍 Consider Their Desires - Don’t just focus on your own fantasies—ask about theirs too! If you know they love massages, suggest incorporating sensual rope play as part of an erotic massage for example.

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For more ideas, check out my free resource the ‘Sexual Bucket List’ at alicechild.com.au!

This guide contains general advice only. If you need more tailored support, please book in a session with Alice! 

Alice Child - Somatic Sexologist, Sex Therapy & Sex Counsellor - helps people achieve happier and healthier sex lives through 1:1 sex coaching, couples sex counselling, hens parties, and workshops. Book a session here.