Sexologist Alice Child shares her expert tips on how to increase your libido.
Here are some tips!
- Create a life (and bedroom!) with more accelerators than breaks - Once you know your own turn ons and turn offs, create an environment that enhances your accelerators and reduces your breaks. For example, if you realise that your major brake is worrying about work when you try and switch off, you might leave your work phone charging outside of the bedroom each night, and play a calming and relaxing playlist in your bedroom space that allows your mind to settle before getting down and dirty.
- Remove unhelpful goals -Remove unhelpful goals such as ‘getting hard’, ‘reaching orgasm’, or ‘getting in the mood’ which will add even more pressure and stress. Instead, make your goal PLEASURE or CURIOSITY.
- Carve out the time. If we don’t plan it, we don’t always do it. Although ‘scheduling sex’ might sound unsexy, it can actually lead to a lot of anticipation and build up. This is especially important during times of stress. pleasure takes time to build. Don’t rush yourself.
- Move your body and give your body pleasure - exercise, moving your body and pleasure (such as massage) releases pleasure hormones, neurotransmitters, and chemicals that help break down stress hormones such as cortisol. Moving our body through things like dance, yoga and Pilates can be real triggers for libido
- Practice mindfulness -carve out moments of mental calm to help regulate your nervous system and slow the mind. Eg Long baths, deep breathing, massage
- Masturbate more, and with more variation! Even when we are not in the mood to be sexual, a daily pleasure practice (at least 15 minutes a day if you can!) helps trigger more desire.
- Try something new - if variety is the spice of life, then novelty and newness is the spice of arousal. What new sexual fantasy have you always wanted to try? How could you bring it to life?
- Focus on physical sensations. If you find your mind wanders during sex, try placing your attention on the physical sensations you are experiencing – what are you noticing physically in your body? How does the touch feel? What might make that touch/sensation feel even better?
- Educate yourself using sex-positive resources – Go out and learn as much as you can about sex, pleasure and bodies. Find the resources that work for you, whether that’s podcasts, books, online courses, workshops or seeing a sexologist.
- Don’t settle for okay sex –. Be really explicit and clear with your communication with each other – ask for what you want, be descriptive, and learn together. Know that you won’t always get it right – and that’s okay! But create a safe space for experimentation, learning and play in your sex-life